Bend or break Published Sept. 14, 2009 By Col. John E. Michel 319th Air Refueling Wing commander GRAND FORKS AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. -- There once was an elderly carpenter who, after many years of successfully building homes, decided he was ready to retire. So on a Monday morning he approached his employer and told him his intentions to leave the house building business. He shared how he now wanted to live a more leisurely life with his wife and extended family. Although he acknowledged he would miss the paycheck, he felt he needed to retire. It was his time to go. The company's owner, himself an accomplished builder, was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if the carpenter could build just one more house as a personal favor. Reluctantly, the carpenter said yes, but in time it became obvious his heart was no longer in his work. He showed up every day but his work got sloppier and sloppier. Where once the carpenter took great care to give his best to every task he now found himself satisfied with doing the minimum that was being asked. Over time, his commitment to quality and desire to produce something superior surrendered to shoddy workmanship. His eye for excellence willingly accepting a product that was inferior. It was an unfortunate way to end a career. When the carpenter finished his work and the company's owner came to inspect the house, he walked through quietly, never pointing out the errors or commenting on its sub-standard condition. Instead, he simply handed the front-door key to the carpenter, saying: "This is your house, my gift to you...a gift for your many years of faithful service." Immediately, the carpenter was overcome by a sense of shock and shame. Shock at the immensity of the gift, shame at the realization he had fallen far short of his potential. Had he known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in a home he had built none too well. So it is with many of us. We too are entrusted with great gifts. However, be it in our homes, our workplaces, our worship spaces or our communities, we too often fall short of giving our best. At important points in our lives we choose to step down instead of step up. All too often we, much like the carpenter in our story, fail to recognize that all we undertake in this life is in many regards a building project. What we choose to give is merely a reflection of how we choose to live. But it not need be this way. Instead, how might things be different if we would begin to view ourselves as carpenters whose efforts reflect a commitment to quality in all we undertake? How might our relationships be enriched, our work environment enhanced, our world improved if every action spoke of our desire to create something meaningful...something beautiful? Something meant to withstand the test of time. Be it in (figuratively) hammering a nail, placing a board or building a wall, what if our desire to produce something superior with our lives overshadowed any willingness to accept that which is inferior? What if we routinely took great care to give our best to every task at hand, never satisfied with doing just the minimum that was being asked? Some of you reading this are likely thinking how much you'd like to apply this exceptional commitment to quality, meaning and excellence to everything you endeavor to do. However, you also know this just isn't realistic. After all, there's just not enough time in the day to do everything well. As quickly as you seem to finish one project, there's a new one awaiting your attention. Truth is, you're absolutely right! You can only be expected to be stretched so thin before you finally snap; before you, much like a link in a once powerful chain, are finally broken. But what if learning to ask a series of simple, but significant questions could help change all that? Questions which could protect you from making the same tragic mistake of the carpenter in the above story; questions that might just help you ensure your usual commitment to excellence does not give way to accepting an outcome that is clearly inferior. If you're interested in learning one of the most significant lessons any would-be Second-Mile leader needs to know, then keep reading. Build or Break...The Choice is yours Being an action-oriented kind of leader, I've routinely fallen into the trap of trying to undertake more than my team and I are prepared to handle. In the process of pursuing my well-intentioned bent toward getting things done, I fail to grasp that the demands I am placing on those around me can net very counter-productive and potentially destructive effects. In other words, in my zeal to capitalize on ideas, encourage innovation and celebrate new approaches to old problems, I recognize I can quickly place an increasingly heavy burden on those entrusted to my care. A burden that unintentionally moves those around me to operate not from the peak of their ability but out of the reserve of their available energy and at a significant cost to their stamina -- Much like the half-hearted carpenter who, without even knowing it, was building what would be his own house. Admittedly, on more occasions than I'd like to admit, I have lost sight of the fact that no one, no matter how dedicated, skilled, or committed they are, can do everything well. Fortunately, after several lackluster "building projects" of our own I discovered the fix for this very dangerous individual and organizational trap is quite simple. That is, it required I learn to discipline myself to begin asking several basic, but important questions before our team chose to accept yet another project, pursue another undertaking or embrace a broader challenge that would require nothing less than everyone's best effort if we we're to attain the outcome we so earnestly desired. The questions were: "Will our doing this now build or break us?" "Will doing this better position us for the future while helping us to succeed in the present, or will it demand of us more than we have to give at this time?" "Will we emerge from this effort stronger individually or collectively or will pursuing this prove too much for us to do well?" To say it's amazing to witness how liberating such a simple set of questions can be to those in your care is a tremendous understatement. I remember the first time I asked the question, "Will this Build or Break Us?" to my team of senior-level organizational leaders. At first, they weren't sure what to think. I'm sure more than one thought, "is this real? Is this safe? Can I really freely share my concerns, excitement, fears, or desires about this potential new undertaking and not disappointment the boss if I tell him it's more than we are prepared to undertake at this particular moment?" Now, please understand we are quite fortunate to enjoy a very transparent working environment where honesty, openness and frankness are encouraged and regularly employed. But moving to this new level of wide-spread collaboration was different. It thrust us to a new threshold of shared courage and commitment. And it empowered us to grow closer together because everyone's voice was being honored before we made a decision that had very real ramifications and would require significant investment by everyone on the team. Decisions that could well make the difference between our continuing to build toward our desired goals and objectives or that could ultimately break us in the process of trying. Decisions that could either move us closer to, or further away from, reaching our fullest individual and organizational potential. Freeing Others to be Fully Alive Several years ago a psychologist named Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote a very popular book simply titled Flow that explored how human beings achieve genuine satisfaction in and through their lives. His research revealed that people feel strongest, more alert, most in control, most unself-conscious, and perhaps most importantly, most alive when they are performing at the peak of their potential. And how did he suggest this is best achieved? They set challenges for themselves that were neither too simple nor too difficult for their available ability, energy, or resources. In effect, they set goals that allow them to continue to grow instead of establishing expectations that will drain, or worse, drown them in negative feelings of despondency, denial or despair. The exact feelings many of us experience when we take on more than we are prepared to complete...well. So, unlike the carpenter in our story, I encourage you to remember that Second-Mile Leaders should strive to establish high, but realistically attainable goals that enable us to give our best effort to the cause at hand. Something we can best achieve if we pause to ask a series of simple, but important questions before we begin pursuing our next idea; starting our next initiative; or embracing our next opportunity. The most important question being, "Will our doing this now build or break us?" My experience has been that when leaders at all levels of the organization answer this question honestly, candidly, they take a dramatic step forward in establishing the conditions to improve the lives of those entrusted to their care. And in doing so, help those around them feel fully alive as they are continually encouraged, enabled and empowered to perform at the peak of their potential. Not because they have to, but because they choose to. Simply because that's what Second-Mile Leaders do.