Dating and Violence Should Never Be a Couple Published Feb. 27, 2013 By Senior Airman Susan L. Davis 319th Air Base Wing Public Affairs GRAND FORKS AFB, N.D. -- February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and agencies on base and in the surrounding community are partnering to put a stop to teen dating abuse. On Feb. 26, the Airman & Family Readiness Center hosted an on-base Teen Violence Parent Forum presented by Jessica Rudnick from the Community Violence Intervention Center (CVIC) in Grand Forks. The presentation covered teen dating violence statistics, warning signs, prevention and resources. "The base has been a part of the Grand Forks Coordinated Community Response Program dating back 10 years," said Karen Greyeyes, Family Advocacy outreach manager here. "The base also has a memorandum of understanding with the CVIC to provide services to military families, and at one time shared a victim advocate funded by the Department of Defense. Even when that program ended, we continued to work closely with the agency and they continue to provide services to military spouses, both male and female." Greyeyes said Family Advocacy also provide family violence education and prevention training to commanders, first sergeants, security forces, Air Force Office of Special Investigations and other base agencies, and will continue to work with the community on prevention initiatives. The CVIC is also part of the planning committee for Teen Domestic Violence Awareness Month activities here on base. Other members include Family Advocacy, Sexual Assault Prevention and Response, the A&FRC, Youth Center and school liaison. In 2005, teens and adults organizing against adolescent dating violence achieved a major victory when the importance of addressing the issue was highlighted in the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. The act, first signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1994, allocated funds toward the investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, imposed automatic and mandatory restitution on those convicted, allowed civil redress in cases prosecutors chose to leave unprosecuted, and established the Office on Violence Against Women within the Department of Justice. In 2006, Congress followed the lead of dozens of national, state and local organizations in sounding the call to end dating abuse. Both Chambers declared the first full week in February "National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Week," which became National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month in 2010. According to TeendvMonth.org, a surprising one in three teens has been the victim of sexual abuse, physical abuse or threats of physical abuse by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Abuse can include sexual, physical, verbal, emotional or controlling behaviors. Sexual abuse may include unwanted physical contact, forcible intercourse, or not letting the other person in the relationship use birth control. Physical abuse includes any sort of harmful physical contact, such as hair pulling, strangling, kicking, punching or slapping. Verbal or emotional abuse may include name-calling, jealousy, physical threats against the partner, their loved ones, or the abuser him/herself. Controlling behaviors include not letting the other person in the relationship spend time with friends or family, "keeping tabs" by calling or texting frequently, controlling the other person's appearance, or feeling the need to be with the other person at all times. Rudnick explained in the presentation that teens may have misconceptions about what behaviors might constitute abuse. "Young people might think of abuse as being only physical and incorrectly perceive clinginess or possessiveness as positive attention and may not understand that receiving 30 texts an hour from their significant other is not normal behavior," she said. Capt. Thomas Efird, 319th Medical Operations Squadron Family Advocacy officer, offered some advice to teens and young adults new to dating and relationships. "Look at how your partner treats other people," he said. "If they are disrespectful, mean or rude to their parents or other adults, you may want to stay away. If it feels wrong, don't do it. Don't feel guilty about telling your partner 'no.' 'No' is a complete sentence. And it's okay to end the relationship--you will find someone else. Ask yourself what you learned, what you enjoyed, and what mistakes you want to avoid in the future." He also offered a bit of advice to parents. "Parents, pay attention--you know your children better than anyone. If you think something is wrong, follow your instincts," he said. "As parents, you do have the right to invade your children's privacy and set limits. Yes, they will be mad, but they will get over it. And they might even thank you later in life." Rudnick also encouraged parents to focus on the positives of dating with their teens, and advised to start the conversation early on before they actually begin dating. "Teens need to know that dating is supposed to be fun and exciting, and teach you things about yourself and what you need to be happy with another person," she said. "The best time to start reinforcing these positive notes is before dating begins, and approach with a balance of both sensitivity and firmness." If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these issues, help is available. The Family Advocacy Program: 701-747-6806 Sexual Assault Prevention and Response: 701-747-4370/5498 The Airman and Family Readiness Center: 701-747-3241 The Air Force Office of Special Investigations: 701-747-5852 The Security Forces Squadron: 701-747-5351 The Military Family Life Counselors: 701- 425-7130 For help off base, call the CVIC 24-hour Crisis Line at 701-746-8900 or toll-free, 1-866-746-8900. In an emergency, call 9-11.